Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize