It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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