I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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