so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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