At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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