Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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