he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize