Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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