We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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