you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
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He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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