I wish my penis had an off switch
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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