We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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