roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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