dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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