I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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