It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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