If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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