At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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