he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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