Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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