I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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