i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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