He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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