He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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