in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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