I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he thought i was a dude.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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