george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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