We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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