I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It all started with a game of naked twister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize