i think my mom watched the whole time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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