So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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