new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
They have beer where we have blood.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize