Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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