the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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