I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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