Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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