Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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