all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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