I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize