My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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