Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize