I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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