Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize