Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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