i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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