i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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