I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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