Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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