I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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