Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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