Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize